Summer: Fine, I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. Jerry: Ahh, uh- Summer's turn! īeth: Well, you should select a different timeline, I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, there's a chance you weren't even born- That came out wrong, that came out very wrong. Jerry: That's great, Beth! You always wanted to be a real surgeon.īeth: I am a real surgeon. Jerry: Whoa! I love doing cocaine with you too, Johnny Depp!īeth: Haven't we spent enough time on you? I'm performing surgery. Johnny Depp (on Device): You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee- Give me those! Jerry, Beth, and Summer are in the kitchen with the Ocular Device.īeth: Are we sure we want to do this? Look at our own alternate lives? All my- All my nerves, they don't allow for the sensation of touch. So that always goes, you know, off by the wayside. And also I can't feel anything either- did I mention that? But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes. Our prices, I hope, aren't too low! Check out this refrigerator! Only $200! What about this microwave? Only $100! That's fair! I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson! Everything's black, I can't see a thing! I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes! And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios I think, I can't- I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock, because I can't see anything. Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo!Īnts-In-My-Eyes Johnson (on TV): I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson, Here at Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson's Electronics. Morty: Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. Go fetch!īeth and Summer: Yes! This is so cool! Ladies First! These scan your retinas, and let you view parallel time lines through genetically matching versions of your eyes.
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Rick: Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions, a-a-and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self?īeth, Summer, and Jerry : Narcissism. Host in Trenchcoat (on TV): Wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? Host in Trenchcoat (on TV): Here's anothe. Judge (on TV): Guilty! Sentenced to murder. Host in Trenchcoat (on TV): Here's another Quick Mystery. Judge (on TV): Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison.
See this knife and all the blood on it? Here's my fingerprints. Host in Trenchcoat (on TV): And now, another Quick Mystery.Ĭop (on TV): I just want to know who could've done something like this. Look, you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device.
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Rick: Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities - including a time line where Jerry's a movie star. Jerry (on TV): Sometimes small tru-tru different than da big tru-tru. Jerry: I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"? Summer: Oh my God! Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"! Jerry: Rick, would you please go back to me on David Letterman? Rick: All right, that got, that actually got old pretty quick. Shmlony (on TV): Schmlove, Schmlandula, Schmlonathan. A dimension where all proper nouns begin with "Schmla". Now I'm hooked.Īnnouncer (on TV): Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss", Shmlony has a nightmare. Rick: All right, Jerry, when you're right, you're right. Woman (on TV): Glenn, this is a court order. Rick: Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous.
Letterman (on TV): It's a pleasure to have you. This is infinite TV, from infinite universes. Jerry: So, what, It'd be better if the people were corn? Rick: Summer, you just spent three months watching a man choose a fake wife. We're both corn of action.Ĭorn Man 2 (on TV): Yeah. Rick: How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from corn? Ĭorn Man 1 (on TV): We're not so different. Jerry: Wait, does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? The important thing being I just upgraded our cable package with programming from every conceivable reality. Morty: Oh, cool! Is that crystallized Zanthonite? It conducts electrons across dimensions.
Jerry: Okay, I've got an idea, Rick: you show us your concept of "good TV", and we'll crap all over that. Rick: Well if it's any consolation, Summer, none of it mattered, and the entire show is stupid. The Smith Family and Rick are sitting in the living room watching TV.īachelor (on TV): Will you please. This article is a transcript of the Rick and Morty episode Rixty Minutes from Season 1, which aired on March 17, 2014.
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This is a transcribed copy for the episode " Rixty Minutes." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.